Thursday, December 07, 2023
I often wonder how I would know whether or not I am attracted to a guy and recently I discovered that I am not attracted to one guy who I thought I could be attracted to…
I do not have a life. I do not have friends who I see regularly. I do not have a boyfriend.
I want a boyfriend but he will have to be someone who I am attracted to and the only way to know whether or not I am attracted to someone is to get to know them better.
When I find out something about someone that I find unpleasant I will not want to deal with them as much.
I do not know when I will go anywhere. I was considering going somewhere today but I did not feel like going anywhere.
I do not trust people. I do not believe people when they say something. I do not like people assuming things about me and what I think about things.
If anyone wants to get to know me they can begin by reading my blogs. They can also read my writing and listen to my podcast.
I do not know what I will do tonight or tomorrow…
I’m Autistic. I do have a photographic memory and I do know a large amount of facts about different subjects.
I do not recall everything, every detail, because sometimes I am either hyper-focused on certain details or do not remember certain details for various reasons.
I am horrible at tests and trivia games because when I am put on the spot I often go blank.
I’m Autistic. If I compliment you it is not me asking for nude pictures of yourself. And if you send me nude pictures of yourself do not ask me what I thought of them because I will tell you.
Are you on a spiritual journey?
Find your path instead of following after anyone.
Seek the Truth.
I’m Autistic. I received a free deodorant in the mail yesterday. I placed it somewhere I believed would be a place that I would remember. I have no idea where that deodorant is now.
I have a system for arranging items in my room. It’s a system that I think will work whenever I am organizing my stuff.
It never works. I forget I have things and cannot find things when I do remember that I have them.
The frigid air of an Autumn’s night reminded them of years ago which reminded them of a time when they went by he and everyone called them by a name that is now dead. They take a step beyond the open door, of a new house, his mother singing to an old song in the kitchen while she unpacks boxes of ornate dishes, a step they have not taken since entering the house a few days ago. They have been in their room for the past few days sorting through boxes of clothes books and the rest of their belongings. They arranged the room several times before deciding to take a walk. Their mom told them to get out more, but she had not specified whether they could go out after dark.
They walk down the steps that need to be replaced. The sounds of everything surround them. The desire to return to the safety of their bedroom is only subdued by their desire to get out of the house. They walk down a path of stones that appear to have been meticulously placed.
The street is wet from the recent thunderstorms. They were awoken by the loud crashes of thunder. The sound of footsteps startles them for a moment. A boy jogging approaches them. They are uncertain of the protocol for meeting a stranger in the street after dark.
The boy stops within the radius of light shining down from the streetlight. They noticed how the light down from this one does not come on at night.
The boy smiles. They want to say something but are uncertain of the words to say. They can see him, all of him, thanks to the bright streetlight. He is a couple of inches taller than them; He has long hair that flows and shines in the bright light. He is sans a shirt and wearing shorts. His shoes are the same brand they wear every day. They have never seen a boy fitter than the one standing in front of them.
“Hello. You just moved into the Connor’s house. I mean the Connors lived there prior to you moving in but they moved and now you just moved in…” He seemed nervous. They were more nervous.
“I moved in a few days ago with my mom.”
He looks around. They look around.
“I suppose you are curious about me running at night like I am?”
“I am curious about many things.”
“I like the cool air of night. I like to run alone at night. Also, the other guys never want to run with me at night or any other time. I make them uncomfortable.”
“May I run with you? They spoke the words, but the words seemed to come from nowhere because the concept of running was not in their mental library of facts.
“I guess.”
They watched his body as he jogged in place. They wanted to know if he could be attracted to them as much as they were attracted to him. Love at first sight was what their mom would have said if she were here.
The two of them ran, i.e., jogged, the street that ended at the park. The park was closed because it was after dark. The two of them stopped at the locked gate that would have been opened if it had not been after dark. They began to wonder what after dark meant because after dark should mean that there was dark before there was after dark.
“What brought you out tonight?”
“I was in my room unpacking. I wanted to get out of my room and get out of the house.”
“I do this most nights if you are interested in joining me.”
“I think that might be nice.”
They are captivated by his smile. The light here is not as bright as the light in front of their house, but they can see him well enough to know that they would like to see him again.
The first drops of rain came suddenly before the rain began to fall with a rapid intensity. The two of them looked at one another.
“You can come to my house to dry off and get warm.”
“If you’re sure that’s okay.”
The two of them run faster than before. The two of them ran to their house. Their heart beats faster. They have never had a boy come to their house before, they are uncertain if this is allowed.
The door is open when they walk up to the house. They look around the front yard. Everything appears as it was when they left earlier except for the open door…
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F. Jason Whitaker 